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"Plane" speaking?

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Whiskers_In_The_Ear
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PostSubject: "Plane" speaking?   Thu May 14, 2009 4:23 pm

Qantas Airlines: Repair Division

In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "Gripe Sheet" which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.



P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this airc raft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
Descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles fun ny...........
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.



And the best one for last..................


P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
=0 A
S: Took hammer away from midget.
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PostSubject: Re: "Plane" speaking?   Thu May 14, 2009 4:28 pm

That has made me laugh thanks Mel! After a long day I can go to bed chuckling Very Happy
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Whiskers_In_The_Ear
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PostSubject: Re: "Plane" speaking?   Thu May 14, 2009 4:34 pm

LOL im glad hehe

Sweet dreams
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vickylizzy
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PostSubject: Re: "Plane" speaking?   Thu May 14, 2009 4:41 pm

Crying With Laughter ROFL Those are brilliant!! I've never heard them before! Very Happy Thanks That's really cheered me up. Razz
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PostSubject: Re: "Plane" speaking?   

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"Plane" speaking?

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